You wrecked me

I’m literally about to give up on John. The one person who means the most to me. & once I give up on John my life is going to have no meaning. I don’t think that he cares about me at all anymore. He doesn’t care what I decide to do with my life. He doesn’t care about our relationship. Everything we’ve been through & everything he knows. He just doesn’t care anymore. How do you just stop caring about someone who meant so much to you? I don’t understand. I guess he never cared & he never will. I think I’ll be fine without him, but he’s the one who has kept me holding on for so long. But I never should have expected him to stay. He means so much to me. Everything he’s ever said or done or just the way he looks at me keeps me holding on. But someone who means this much to me could never stay because that’s too easy. I’ll never find anyone like him to replace our relationship. I’ll always miss him. I always will till the day I die. I just feel like I never really mattered to him