One of those nights

Then suddenly I was afraid and I don’t know what of. I bet you wish you’d never met me.. I just miss you so much. God. I’m obsessing over you & you wouldn’t care if you never saw me again. I’m over it now. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about killing myself today. I’m so sick of waking up every single god damn morning. Just for once I want someone to be afraid of losing me. No one understands how hard it is for me to not hurt myself. I try to make light of it & joke around but deep down inside I hurt so bad thinking about it but it releases anger & makes me feel a different pain & makes me feel better. The scars remind me of how I have to work twice as hard as everyone else. They sort of help me get along because without then I wouldn’t be able to see how long I’ve come since it started & how I haven’t killed myself yet. I’m sick of pretending to be happy. I’m battling myself & I’m losing. I’m too young to be this sad. There’s no one by my side anymore. But I’m used to it..

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