When I feel your hands around my waist & I can hear the sound of your heart beating I never want to let go. Because for one minute I feel safe in your arms, no matter where we are, or if we’re alone or not. I feel like nothing can touch me & pull my down. When we pull away, I slowly feel the coldness creep back into my skin. I feel pain again & realize how much I need you to not let go. I think you can see the weakness & fear in my eyes when you start to let go, that’s why you hold onto me while we mutter out short words. I need you to not let go of me. Because as soon as you release me the urges come back & so does the terrible aching I feel in my chest. You will never understand. But something about your warmth & touch makes me feel like nothing could ever go wrong. It’s not just that I want you to not let go of me because of the consequences I will face, but because I need you to not let go of me. Hold onto me as tight as you can & as long as possible. Because sooner or later I will push you away trying to not hurt you like I do myself & I will slip through your fingers, like I do everyone else..