I hate it. I hate the fact that one day I nervously said hey. And the next day we’re flirting and laughing and being friends. And we’re talking everyday. And we’re getting really close and you like me for me and I know you don’t have feelings for me because that’s crazy! And I know all of these things and then you’re gone. And something deep down in my stomach is consistently missing you. Saying you’ll never miss me. Saying you’ll never come back. Saying I just got too annoying. I wish you wouldn’t do that. But here you come again. Worming and wiggling your way back into my heart. Slowly breaking down the walls I so carefully built, but with a single touch by you they’re crumbling and before I know it you’re back. And you’re here. And you’re making me laugh and smile and feel the butterflies all over again; rebuilding my hopes and my daydreams. And once again…… you vanish. Like I never really meant anything to you.
But then again maybe I did. Maybe I meant the world to you…. you just never showed it. Maybe you wanted to talk to me every second you never did, but you were too scared to think of that remote possibility that I wouldn’t want to talk to you too. But how wrong you would’ve been. I was dying every second you never replied, slowly decaying when I knew you opened the text, but never bothered to send something back. You meant the world to me; I guess I was just a city to you.
I had these dreams too, you see. Dreams that we would go to England together, rent a car. Drive all the way through the uk and back. Then maybe swim the English Channel like the professionals do. After that we would come home to our quiet little apartment in the city and sleep. Then I’d wake up before you and bring you tea to wake you while slumber still fogs your eyes and your voice hadn’t quite spoken since the night before. We could read all the stacks of books along the side of our bed, sipping the tea and listening to your favorite mix tape.
I had these dreams. But then I woke up, and realized that two people very rarely have the same dreams, and ours weren’t quite the same.