you are my joy

Remember how I told your beautiful face to run away from my heart when you began to see the real me, the young, innocent girl who’s up to no good & falling apart, hiding behind a huge fake smile? well i’m sorry you didn’t take my advice. Now that you’ve seen who i really am, there’s no going back and i’m sorry. i really don’t want to hurt you, but i just know it’s going to happen. we can’t stay happy like this forever… either i’ll leave a hole in you that no one can repair or you will shatter my heart and not know how to put the sharp, black pieces back together. i know it’s going to end like that because nothing ever goes my way. i don’t know what it is about me that makes any relationship, not just guys, end up in flames and everyone holding grudges. i’m sorry. sorry that you met me and i ever came into your life. you make me feel like the most special and beautiful girl beyond of what you had dreamed of. i’ve rarely had this many butterflies in my tummy. something about is different and i like it alot. i’m sorry for the past, present, and future. i know we’re going to get hurt at some point, but until then… please please keep holding my hand through it all. the thought of you helps me get through each day. so, thank you for being yourself and always thoughtful. you don’t even have a clue of what’s going on in my life right now. even without you knowing that mess, you are still so kind and precious. this makes me like you more because i know that if you did know, you’d be 100 times sweeter. i really don’t know what it is about you, but i’m in love with it. there’s no one else like you. and again, i’m terribly sorry for my actions later in the future. i know they will hurt you. i don’t want to at all, but i’m such a screw up it’s bound to happen. I’d search the whole world for someone like you xoxox


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